no one reads this anyway. facebook is the new blog. get over it. i know i have. our attention spans get smaller by the minute. novels turn into blogs turn into status updates turn into twitters.....
i am on the internet all the time, but i never read blogs. they bore me. unless they are moped related with technical knowledge that i can use in a practical application, or unless it is someone who i don't see every day or whatever and they aren't on FB but they blog to let others know about their life, well i just don't read it. sorry. so i feel like, blogging just isn't like it used to be. if it ever was.
i guess right now its really hard for me to put a positive spin on the past few months.
i have let people down. i have let myself down. when it comes down to it, i don't feel like i am much of a man. people try to help me, my family tries to help me, and i get stuck, i get pissed, i get defensive. you know living in the moment only gets you so far, you have to plan for the future, and i never do that. i just let that shit slide. and slide it does. so that when i wreck a moped and break my collar bone and i can't work for a month, guess who pays the bills? not me. when i can't stop getting high and can't get out of bed to get to work at 10 oclock, or whatever it is, and i get fired, guess who pays the bills? not me. so we have a huge strain, financially, which leads to a huge strain, emotionally, which leads to questions about a future that is only a dream at this point, with no action to back up my pretty pretty words. and nothing to believe in. and then, the girl that you love to death, stops loving you, can only see the pattern of mistakes that have piled up on top of themselves, and reveal themselves, and then you are exposed, and that shine has worn off, and you don't have money to go on dates, to dress up and dance, to put in the time and attention that won her over in the first place. so as much as i want to blame nicole for our breakup, that is fucking wrong. i am responsible for this.
no i will not move on.
well maybe i will.
its all so fucked up.
i fucked it all up.
nothing dramatic, just...
i made promises
and i didn't follow through.
just like i always do.
the good news is that moped season is starting again really soon.
and that means rallys. and funz. and friends.
and warm weather.
and non stop riding.
the good news is that i am working full time
and i am doing my best to stay committed to being on time
and responsible. and who knows how long that will last.
ugh, whatever.
i'm over this.
later blog.
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